My latest from the Calgary Herald

Pump paranoia hardly justified
Calgary Herald
Friday, June 30, 2006
Page: A26
Section: The Editorial Page
Byline: Dave Ryan
Source: For The Calgary Herald

In spite of the increase at the pumps this long weekend, Canadians should stop whining and complaining about the price of gas.

It has become a Canadian pastime to protest the price of gas, particularly on long weekends when we feed our recreational gas-guzzlers.

But the complaints we hear about the high cost of gas, that it never comes down once it goes up and predatory pricing just aren't true.

I recently went to my local gas station and filled the 50-litre tank in my SUV. Gas was $0.994 per litre that day.

Had I filled the tank from empty, it would have cost $49.70.

In Alberta, we pay a nine-cent provincial tax and a 10-cent federal excise tax -- so about one-third of the price of a litre of gas is tax, leaving the actual cost of a litre around 70 cents (not including GST). Excluding these taxes, it costs me about $35 to fill my 50-litre tank.

I checked the price of some other consumer products at the gas station. Milk was $2.18 per litre, orange juice $2.78 per litre, and Coke was $1.89 per litre.

I also bought a large coffee from Tim Hortons which works out to $3.75 per litre. Coffee from the Starbucks across from my office costs 4.95 per litre.

Gas seems expensive because we buy it many litres at a time, but it's still comparatively cheap. If I'd filled my tank with Tim Hortons coffee, it would cost $187.50.

A gassuccino is much cheaper than a cappuccino.

What about the oft-heard complaint that gas prices are always on the rise?

The price of everything is on the rise. After adjusting for inflation, that $1.89 litre of Coke was 11 cents in 1914.

So even without gas companies increasing prices, there would be an increase in price from year to year. Just accounting for inflation and not price increases, government taxes or geopolitical forces, gas that cost 50 cents in 1996 would cost 62 cents today.

And the price of gas does come back down after it rises.

Calgary based MJ Ervin & Associates Inc. provides a weekly analysis of gas price trends. Their research shows that in 2005, gas prices in Calgary varied anywhere from 70 cents to 110.9 per litre.

After gas reached the yearly high of 110.9, it lowered to 103.4 the following week, then went to 103.9 for the following two weeks. Like every other commodity, price slowly increases over time, but it is a myth that once gas prices go up they never come down.

If what people are complaining about is that prices never go down to their original price, this is true, but neither do other commodities.

Pretty hard to find an 11-cent pop nowadays. At least with the fluctuation of gas prices, the cost will dip lower from time to time. The milk, coffee and orange juice prices listed above are never going to fluctuate downward.

There are websites that post the cheapest gas prices in town. People are so programmed to fear gas prices, they will drive across town to save two cents per litre.

Think about this. If I saved two cents per litre filling my 50-litre tank, I'd save a dollar. In case you haven't guessed, you burn off the buck you save driving across town for that two-cent discount -- probably stopping for a $3.75 per litre double-double on the way.

If all this doesn't assuage your fears, last March Canada's Competition Bureau released its findings on an examination of predatory pricing and margin squeezing in the gasoline industry.

Richard J. Taylor, deputy chief commissioner of competition for the branch, reported, "We have found no evidence of a national conspiracy to fix gasoline prices."

Hopefully, this will put some of the hysteria over gas prices to rest and people can find something else to complain about over the campfire this long weekend.

But if you think everything I have said above is a bunch of hogwash, save yourself some money on gas by scrunching up this column and using it as kindling for your campfire -- my hot air is a cheap alternate fuel source!

Dave Ryan is an investigative humourist.

Don't bet on it

I love this idea. I can see everyone at the wedding reception trying to figure out where to lay their money.

Bishop Henry Still a Hypocrite

There is a good discussion going on over the Bishop's opposition to the use of gambling revenue to fund education at the Western Standard Blog. For some reason my Mac won't allow hyperlinks so here's the URL: http://westernstandard.blogs.com/shotgun/2006/06/back_to_the_bis.html

Dummies for Smart People

This is the first in a series of blogs on dumb things that people do. Some are more serious than others.

When you finish off the cream at the coffee shop, take it back to the counter so that the coffee nazi can refill it for the next person.

Yale vs. Harvard

Does this make Yale more or less desirable than Harvard? You can teach someone all the law you want, but this level of "sheer curiosity" is somthing that is just inbread. Watch for this guy to make it to the top of the profession.

Law school student's roommate shocked he was the star in a shower scene
Campus soap opera

Financial Post


Wednesday, June 21, 2006


A Yale Law School student searching for an episode of 24 on a wireless network he shared with his roommates found a clandestinely taped shower scene starring a third roommate and his girlfriend. The New Haven Register reports Joseph Masters, 26, was arrested on voyeurism charges after the two roommates went to police. According to the arrest warrant, he used a pinhole camera to make his erotic film. Mr. Masters reportedly told police he installed the pinhole camera in the apartment out of "sheer curiosity." Mr. Masters, who is due to be arraigned this week, reportedly told his girlfriend he's seeking psychological help. No reports on whether he will become a Yale Law School graduate.

© National Post 2006

She doesn't look a day over 150

Harriet the Tortoise dies at 175, but she certainly hadn't lost her good looks.

Clowning around with IVF

As reported by the BBC, sending in the clowns can significantly increase the chances that fertility treatment will be a success, Israeli researchers have found.

This sounds unscientific, but my wife and I conceived very quickly without the use of IVF – maybe it was just the clown like nature of my moves in the boudoir!

A weighty decision

I couldn't do it, I'd quit the job and stick to the butter chicken diet!

This was written in 1955 by a young Hunter Thompson -- are you in a rut, secure? It's a long one, but it's worth a read.

Security ... what does this word mean in relation to life as we know it today? For the most part, it means safety and freedom from worry. It is said to be the end that all men strive for; but is security a utopian goal or is it another word for rut?
Let us visualize the secure man; and by this term, I mean a man who has settled for financial and personal security for his goal in life. In general, he is a man who has pushed ambition and initiative aside and settled down, so to speak, in a boring, but safe and comfortable rut for the rest of his life. His future is but an extension of his present, and he accepts it as such with a complacent shrug of his shoulders. His ideas and ideals are those of society in general and he is accepted as a respectable, but average and prosaic man. But is he a man? has he any self-respect or pride in himself? How could he, when he has risked nothing and gained nothing? What does he think when he sees his youthful dreams of adventure, accomplishment, travel and romance buried under the cloak of conformity? How does he feel when he realizes that he has barely tasted the meal of life; when he sees the prison he has made for himself in pursuit of the almighty dollar? If he thinks this is all well and good, fine, but think of the tragedy of a man who has sacrificed his freedom on the altar of security, and wishes he could turn back the hands of time. A man is to be pitied who lacked the courage to accept the challenge of freedom and depart from the cushion of security and see life as it is instead of living it second-hand. Life has by-passed this man and he has watched from a secure place, afraid to seek anything better What has he done except to sit and wait for the tomorrow which never comes?
Turn back the pages of history and see the men who have shaped the destiny of the world. Security was never theirs, but they lived rather than existed. Where would the world be if all men had sought security and not taken risks or gambled with their lives on the chance that, if they won, life would be different and richer? It is from the bystanders (who are in the vast majority) that we receive the propaganda that life is not worth living, that life is drudgery, that the ambitions of youth must he laid aside for a life which is but a painful wait for death. These are the ones who squeeze what excitement they can from life out of the imaginations and experiences of others through books and movies. These are the insignificant and forgotten men who preach conformity because it is all they know. These are the men who dream at night of what could have been, but who wake at dawn to take their places at the now-familiar rut and to merely exist through another day. For them, the romance of life is long dead and they are forced to go through the years on a treadmill, cursing their existence, yet afraid to die because of the unknown which faces them after death. They lacked the only true courage: the kind which enables men to face the unknown regardless of the consequences.
As an afterthought, it seems hardly proper to write of life without once mentioning happiness; so we shall let the reader answer this question for himself: who is the happier man, he who has braved the storm of life and lived or he who has stayed securely on shore and merely existed?

Angry Nurse

This is a good take on the political system. Scroll down to read the top ten. Does number 8 refer to Calgary Mayor Dave Bronconnier? See this recent article by Suzanne Wilton from the Calgary Herald:

Mayor to refill campaign war chest: Fundraiser costs $200 a plate

Mayor Dave Bronconnier is topping up his 2007 election war chest with an annual $200-a-plate fundraiser, which could restore the campaign kitty to nearly $1 million.
Bronconnier is holding his ninth-annual "House Party" at La Caille Restaurant on June 27.
It's a high-end affair that last year pulled in about 2,000 people and generated hundreds of thousands of dollars.
Whatever is raised during this year's event, and another one in 2007, will be added to the $360,083 Bronconnier left in the bank after the 2004 election, almost equal to what he spent for his second term re-election.
The long-time city council member was first elected mayor in 2001.
According to campaign financial statements filed by the mayor, $622,148 was generated from fundraising events during the three-year period between elections.
Assuming a similar amount is raised before next fall's municipal vote, Bronconnier's war chest could hit $1 million.
The mayor was not available for comment on this story, but in the past has made no apologies for his fundraising efforts and defended the city's campaign finance rules.
In Calgary civic politics, there are no limits on campaign contributions, no cap on campaign spending and nothing to prevent candidates from pocketing any unspent dollars once they've left politics or after the vote.
Alberta's provincial politicians, meanwhile, must put their campaign funds in trust between campaign periods. As well, the most that any person, union or company can give to a candidate during the campaign is $2,000. Donations to a political party can total $30,000.
Critics have repeatedly called for tighter rules and greater transparency.
In the last couple of years, council has made minor tweaks to the rules. It's contemplating an additional change that would require candidates to report how much they spend on efforts to raise money.
Dan Kelly of the Canadian Federation of Independent Business, a city hall watchdog, said that's a far cry from creating the kind of transparency and accountability that's needed.
"The fact that an incumbent can raise virtually an unlimited amount of money helps perpetuate a system that pushes out competition," said Kelly.
"Serious contenders are really hamstrung. . . .
"We would be interested in seeing some cap on how much (municipal politicians) can raise or caps on how much they can spend during a campaign."
Kelly said he's recently had potential mayoral candidates "sniffing around."
"I get calls, and recently met with somebody who is thinking of running for the mayor's office. And one of the first things they said is that it's going to be very difficult without access to the stream of cash."
It's virtually impossible to unseat an incumbent in civic politics, and name recognition can be as important as the campaign kitty.
There has been speculation that Ald. Diane Colley-Urquhart is readying herself for a run, while Calgary Flames president Ken King has been been touted in some political circles as a potential candidate to take on the mayor.
However, King assured the Herald that "while he loves the city and expects to make whatever contributions he can, it will not include an electoral bid."
When asked about the daunting nature of the war chest that would be needed to take on Bronconnier, King suggested a good candidate wouldn't have a problem raising funds for a solid campaign.
However, he agreed that there ought to be limits on spending.
"I think the democratic process is best served by effective communication for policy rather than the weight of marketing," King said.
Associated Cab president Roger Richard, who has been active in Conservative politics, said the municipal financing rules are adequate.
"The fundraising is all about the ability of the candidate to raise it," said Richard, who plans to attend Bronconnier's event.
"If he draws a few thousand people to his event, that shows how much support he has."

CB seeyah!

Good Night and Good Luck. The CBC has been useless for as long as I can remember. The few things it has done well like Hockey Night in Canada would be snapped up in a flash by a private network if it were sold off. And the CBC's Stanley Cup coverage was brutal this year. Harry Neale couldn't tell you whether or not a puck had been tipped if it had ricochet off his own skull. Hopefully this Senate Committee report is the beginning of the end of the CBC all together.

Oh Henry

Today’s Calgary Sun is reporting that Calgary’s top catholic, Bishop Fred Henry, is threatening to blacklist schools that use “immoral” fundraising techniques such as gambling and bingos. Not sure what exactly “blacklist” means, but I am pretty sure that in light of Catholicism’s recent problems with sex abuse, taking a heavy stand on the immorality of bingo may be a little hard for some to swallow.

Goaltender Interference

I guess the propecia is working – this report has Avalanche goaltender and hair for men member Jose Theodore walking hand in hand with none other than Paris Hilton. How does the old joke go . . . everyone should spend at least one night in the Hilton????

MacIsaac weirder than Wacko Jacko

The CP is reporting that Canadian fiddle freak Ashley MacIsaac has decided not to run for the Liberal leadership. In the article, MacIsaac says there are a few things standing in his way, citing his poor French skills and an inability to find a campaign manager.

You have to love this guy, he doesn’t see showing his nuts on Conan O’Brien, having an underage boyfriend, allegedly spouting racial statements at one of his shows, or claiming he wants to be weirder than Michael Jackson as impediments. Sounds like a perfect background for a liberal candidate – international TV exposure, familiarity with human rights and criminal law, and ambition larger than Wacko Jacko. Oh did I forget to mention, he is also a urolagnia enthusiast. Voters are use to being pissed on by politicians, but MacIassac may have somethnig else all together in mind! He may not be the next Liberal leader, but I think he’s fast on his way to his goal of surpassing Jacko in weirdness.

Bend it like hockey

Soccer, a sport which sits somewhere between darts and lawn bowling on the excitement scale, is pissing me off more than normal. Not only was there hardly any post Stanley Cup coverage because TSN and Sportsnet went directly to soccer coverage (because Trinidad’s soccer situation is apparently of more interest to Canadians than post-Cup coverage), but the little bit of it I did watch was full off whiney little protests when guys got hit in the ankle, or huge dive and rolls anytime someone carrying the ball came within 5 feet of a defender. Can you imagine one of these wimpy soccer players trying to play hockey? Eric Cole came back from a BROKEN NECK and was then head hunted by the Oilers. Doug Weight was in so much pain he couldn't even properly lift the Cup over his head in the celebration. If we have to watch soccer night and day until this dreaded World Cup is over, the least the players could do is man up!

Nealenews

If you haven't yet found Nealenews http://www.nealenews.com/ I highly recommend it as a one stop shop for daily news.

Long gun, short gun, any little gun gun

Here's the government news release announcing their changes to Canada's gun legislation. It's sort of ironic that the end of this useless waste of taxpayer money comes right after tax freedom day!

In case you have forgotten, here is an old column that points out some of the silly bits:

DUMB CONTROL LAW; PRICETAG ISN'T ONLY MISLEADING PART OF GUN FIASCO

The Calgary Sun

Canada's gun registry system is a hoax and ought to be scrapped. At $2 million, what the registry delivers is a scam. At $1 billion, it's fraud.
Whether you support the theoretical concept of gun control or not, the myths used to justify the Liberal's gun registry are farcical.
Myth No. 1: Gun control costs are offset by savings to health care.
This argument may have held water at $2 million, but it won't float at $1 billion. Injuries resulting from the use of stolen or smuggled guns do not cease because someone registered the gun upon purchase. Many gun injuries are from negligent misuse or accidents involving children. Recording who originally bought the gun will not limit injuries from the improper use of firearms.
Myth No. 2: Gun control laws have reduced crimes involving guns.
The Coalition for Gun Control would like to have their cake and eat it, too. They sent out a press release this summer stating: "The rate of robberies involving a firearm is down 12% from 2000, continuing a decade-long decline in rate of robberies committed with a gun."
Last week, in response to criticism the billion-dollar registry system hasn't reduced crime, the Coalition's president admitted: "The law was only passed in 1995; regulations were not implemented until 1998 and guns will not be registered until 2003. It is premature to talk about the impact of the legislation and we know that crime rates fluctuate."
In other words, robberies involving firearms were declining in the first half of the '90s before this gun law passed and there is no evidence to suggest a decline in gun-related crimes is attributable to the gun registry.
Myth No. 3: Gun control laws reduce theft of guns.
Between 5,000 and 6,000 firearms are reported stolen every year. Proponents of the gun registry argue the laws promote safer storage which leads to fewer thefts.
This myth is based on the idea that, absent gun control laws, gun owners will not responsibly house and store their firearms. I doubt all the guns reported stolen every year are swiped from front porches or the dashboards of pickup trucks. A gun is not like a keychain or cellphone, you don't accidentally leave it on the counter at Tim Horton's after you buy a coffee.
Second, fewer thefts does not equal zero thefts. Those who continue to steal guns do not do so with innocent intentions. Grant Harder's murder suicide earlier this month is one example.
Myth No. 4: It's worth the money.
According to Statistics Canada, 171 homicides were committed by shooting in 2001. That same year, an equal number of homicides, 171, were committed by stabbing. For the Liberals, homicides caused by guns are worth a $1-billion cure, but homicides by stabbing receive nothing. Are stabbing deaths less valuable or have I not heard about a $1-billion knife registry?
A billion dollars could put a lot of law enforcement officers on Canada's streets to prevent homicides from guns, knives, or anything else.
Criminals do not register guns. Canada's gun registry is a billion-dollar boondoggle that can only exact justice for a victim by tracing a stolen gun back to the guy who bought it at Canadian Tire and prosecute him for improper storage. Meanwhile, the criminal who stole the gun and used it to commit a crime is untraceable.
Canadians are being asked to pay $1 billion, so that come election time, Liberal MPs can strut around bragging how they finally did something to curb gun crime. Victims of continuing gun violence will know the truth.
Canada's gun control registry is a misfire which doesn't give Canadians much bang for their buck.

Messier Feeling the FX

It's been fun to see Mark Messier attending the Oiler playoff games and cheering on his old squad. In case you missed it, Canadian cold cure-all Cold FX announced that they have signed the Moose as their U.S. spokesperson. Not only could the Moose simply intimidate you in to using the product, you have to ask yourself the question: does this look like a guy who has ever caught a cold?

Here's my Latest Calgary Herald Column

Smoking is bad, but then so is obesity

Calgary Herald

Health Canada is reviewing those useless but grotesque warning labels on the packages of tobacco products. The most recognizable of which is a set of teeth so rotted that even a British dentist would cringe.
According to a recent study, the original pictures first issued in 2001 have lost their impact. It's de rigueur now to be anti-smoking, but the warning labels have had little impact on the smoking habits of Canadians.
A 2002 Canadian Cancer Society study showed that 44 per cent of smokers said the new warnings "increased their motivation to quit smoking." We can take from this two things:
First, that a majority of smokers were completely unmoved by the images. Second, those who were moved ultimately didn't kick the habit.
Health Canada's own statistics show that between 2001, when the labels were introduced, and 2005, smoking among adult Canadians went from 22 per cent to 20 per cent -- a two per cent drop, which doesn't take into account other smoking deterrents such as increased taxes.
In the five-year period before the warning labels were introduced, the rate dropped seven per cent. Having graphic warning labels on tobacco products is as effective as abstinence literature for teenage boys.
"Big Tobacco" is an easy target. Tobacco executives lied to the U.S. Congress about the addictive qualities of smoking. And the only thing that makes anything real anymore, a Hollywood movie, characterized the tobacco industry as mad scientists intent on making every living human an addict in the Insider.
There's even a new movie out now, which chronicles the fictitious travails of a tobacco industry yes man.
Some will argue government has a place in the smoking dens of the nation because we all have to pay for the health-care cost of smokers' irresponsibility.
Unfortunately, while true, it pales in comparison to the costs surrounding overweight and obese Canadians, and there are a lot more of them, er, us, than there are smokers.
The Canadian Community Health Surveys show that 58.8 per cent of Canadian adults were either overweight or obese in 2004 -- nearly 40 per cent higher than smokers. The study also shows that, as opposed to tobacco use, the prevalence of overweight and obese Canadian adults is increasing.
Here is a list of illnesses associated with obesity from a 2005 Canadian parliamentary study titled The Obesity Epidemic in Canada: Type 2 diabetes, dyslipidemia, insulin resistance, gallbladder disease, sleep apnea and respiratory problems, cardiovascular disease, hypertension, osteoarthritis, cancer and impaired fertility. The study puts the economic burden of obesity anywhere between $1.8 billion and $5.3 billion annually.
Consumers have the right to make an informed decision, even if we ultimately imbibe in something that isn't in the Canada Food Guide (rye is a grain, right?).
But frankly, I could care less if a person likes to fill their fireplace full of Kentucky Dark and stoke themselves a tobacco sauna that would make Rene Levesque gasp for a little fresh air.
We all do things everyday that we "shouldn't." It adds colour to life. It may be eating a Big Mac or hurling down a ski hill.
Heck, some sucker is probably hunting with Dick Cheney as you read this. What's next, gin that warns: "this product may cause you to photocopy your rear end at the office Christmas party?" Or "consumption of this product may cause the opposite sex to find you even less attractive?"
Physicians for a Smoke-Free Canada cite research from the U.K. that shows tobacco is the cause of 29 to 31 per cent of avoidable cancer deaths. They fail to mention the same study found that between 20- and 50 per cent of avoidable cancer deaths are caused by diet. Where are the Physicians for a Deep-Fried-Free Canada?
The point isn't to start a crusade against obesity. It is to point out that among the many things we ingest that are harmful to us, tobacco is currently the most popular to denounce even though it is less prevalent than other health issues such as obesity.
The study doesn't demonstrate that the pictures have lost their effect; it shows they never had any effect and that beating an addiction to nicotine requires more than a set of grotesque trading cards plastered to cigarette packs.
Dave Ryan is an investigative humourist.