Dave Ryan Ink

Humorist, journalist, and recovering lawyer, Dave Ryan tackles the issues of the day from a unique and humerous perspective.

Friday, June 23, 2006

Harriet the Tortoise dies at 175, but she certainly hadn't lost her good looks.

Anonymous said...: It says they attribute her longevity to a stress free life; well, I don't mean to be so critical of her so soon after her death, but it's easy to be stress-free when you live inside a shell...

About twenty years ago I saw some American TV coverage of a woman who was America's oldest living person.
There were cameras and microphones at the ready to record her words of wisdom, and especially the secret to her longevity.

But she was sleeping, and they couldn't seem to rouse her. So they quizzed her caregiver - who seemed kind of old herself - but she had little knowledge of her charge's background, other than that she had had a hard cotton-picking life, and that she had many children and grandchildren. They asked about the old woman's day-today life now: She mostly just slept apparently; once a day, she drank a vanilla milkshake.

Running out of material, the now-improvising reporter looked into the camera and noted that, had she been eligible by virtue of being a man, she would have been too old to serve in World War I. He also pointed out that she was already senior by the time the great depression ended.

Finally, the old woman stirred, a bit. The kneeling reporter, anxious for a quote, shoved a mike in front of her mouth with a mixture of prurience and impatience. She managed to utter these barely audible words:

"I can't believe how tired I am."; 5:32 p.m. MDT